Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
