She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
