I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
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Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
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What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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