I'm really into asian looking animals
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
