video games are the ultimate cock blocker
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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