just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
