if you like me you must not know who I am
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
