I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
someone owes me an orgasm
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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