haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
