We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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