the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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