Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
