I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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