im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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