I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
