Will you blow on my dice?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We had sex on a dog bed..
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
