he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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