I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
