if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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