how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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