no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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