just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
