he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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