drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Randomize
