My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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