Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
