im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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