thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
