Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
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I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
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Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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