dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
