he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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