So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
