He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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