oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
