Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
