i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
