got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
