dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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