I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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