I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
