My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
