i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Can i not drive my cunt home
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
