forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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