I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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