Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
My balls are so social today.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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