i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
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Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
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Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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