I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
