Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
wanna go halves on a baby?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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