Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize