sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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