We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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