my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
