her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
