I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
