I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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