What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
