My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
