I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
