i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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