i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
