11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
