I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
