My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
