I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
