Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
