I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
