So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
