I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
