I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
