If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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