I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
