And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
