Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
