i permit you to call me
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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