You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
