your thong is hanging out like whoa
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
nutella sex= disaster
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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