It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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