Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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