i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
