They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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